If you are the sort that craves to see a film that positively spends every single minute cramming as many Citizen Kane references into it, then Jumper is it.

Its a sci-fi fantasy, based on a book, about a dude played by Darth Vader who can teleport to wherever he wants. Strangely, Amidala does not appear. Instead, its some chick from the O.C. Also, the black guy from Pulp Fiction is the villain of the piece, literally trying to strike down upon Darth Vader with great vengeance and fu-rious anger using an electric stick. Billy Elliott also appears as well and true to form, he is quite jumpy in this show too.

From the snow globe to the final wintry scene and the main character himself, its almost like some sort of revised, albeit quite awful, version of the monsterpiece it attempts to emulate.

I say attempt, gentlemen, I say attempt, because, gentlemen, because, it’s really not that great. I had my best moments gasping when the snowglobe dropped to the floor during one climactic scene. (Notice my own, half-hearted, Dostoyevsky reference above.) Otherwise, I was pretty much shrieking in agony every time Christensen smirked, which is pretty much the whole time. Ack!

I would also like to mention that whilst I think Rachel Bilson is quite cute, my friend wanted to bitchslap her for portraying an utterly worthless character that epitomizes the frail woman so oft encountered in books written by authors who unconsciously marginalize female characters in their books as a result of the stereotypical image of submissive, weak-willed women who need protecting and a prince charming/happy ending, stuffed in their face from when they were still wetting their cots dyed a subtle shade of baby blue, whilst their sister’s is a vile, baby pink.

Rosebud!