Q: Why isn’t Didier Drogba, performing as well for Chelsea this season as he has previously?

A: That’s because he’s been busy down under, popping up in Melbourne to win the Australian Open whilst wearing a Tutu. He defeated former footballer Ole Gunnar Solsjkaer (who has since converted his curls into a ponytail) 6-0 6-3.

Chelsea fans will be lining up in droves to kop that new kit.