Lupe’s an interesting guy. I mean, he comes off like a Hypebeasty guy that’s in tune with the currency of today with a good flow to his music and easy on the ears beats. I’ve just gotten round to listening to his latest album, The Cool, which I admit that I enjoy quite immensely in spits and spats.

Ok one track is particularly irritating, Dumb It Down, which has a really lame and clearly caucasoid male attempting to “rap”. I do understand that its supposed to represent the typical record company exec but I seriously can’t stand hearing it for the life of me. A couple tracks should do pretty well in the pop scene though, Superstar for instance. The album overall is at least on par with Food & Liquor in my opinion. One which is clearly blinkered by the heavy influences that come through easily.

Yet there’s a sense of apprehension, perhaps abetted by my relative lack of knowledge with regards to hip-hop but also some of the content as well. I think the track Gold Watch sums it up when he namedrops all the stuff he loves, some of which I do too. Monocle, Headporter, Junya Watanabe, Street Fighter 2, Singapore, Moleskin… There’s some stuff I would never touch with a ten foot pole but generally his taste is on point. This is all in comparison to your average rapper with the proverbial “gold watch and my gold chain…”, although I’m not quite sure how comparing one form of materialism to another is worthwhile other than to boast about your worldliness and supposed good taste.

Even then, I can’t say I would be anywhere close to upset by anything I’ve mentioned thus far. In fact, the only beef I have with the album and probably the itch I feel like scratching until it bleeds is the fact that he also collaborated with Fall Out Boy’s Patrick Stump, who produced the track Little Weapon. Thankfully, Stump spares us by not involving his voice in the production although I swear some of the shit sounds kinda like him or is that just my prejudice speaking?

UNKLE and FOB on the same album? I thought that shit only happened on charity save the world albums that don’t save the world. Granted UNKLE’s not as poignant as in their heyday but still, fucking FOB? Fresh off the boat mayne!

Yes I am holier than thou. Ooh, how many more crappy finishes for that wonderful acronym d’you think I can find today pray tell? Fucking oblivious bollocks… Foolish obsolete bin-dippers… Fornicatory orifice busboys… Feebly ovulating blimps… Fellatio or bust… Fuck off bitches…

Ok maybe he did it whilst he was high/sleepy… He had crap tons of cash dangled in his face by some suit… Or maybe his Fenoms were held up for ransom… Or maybe he wanted more cred with emo tween girls… He was caught pants down at the tranny expo… He lost in a twinkie eating competition against the Stump…

Everyone makes mistakes but when you fall asleep while driving and end up on the opposite direction on the freeway, you don’t get a second chance. At least Kanye had Chris Martin, which is only similar to gouging your eyeball out with a blowtorch. Patrick Stump on your record is like castration with a razor beaked cuckoo clock chirping away gently on the hour mark with a tiny little chomp over the course of eternity.

If you listen to Fall Out Boy, I apologize for my awfully vicious tirade but please, spare the rest of humanity and refrain from procreation.