The other day, my peasant ass was walking into work, which means a 30 minute hike up a fluffing mountain that meanders like a hippie on mojo and there’s this bit where I cling onto a precipice with a harness homemade outta leftover plastic bags and dental floss. I’m kidding of course. About the 30 minutes that is. It’s probably more like 29.47 minutes if I wanted to be exact.

Anyway, the main thing was, I saw the non peasant ass of the general manager flash by but it wasn’t his ass I was staring at but his car’s ass. It was fucking smoking and I seriously wanted to tap it but I couldn’t because I was preoccupied with the crossover maneuveur I had to perform at the final part of the climb into work which involved hypnotising the llama security taskforce as well as the plate spinning and unicycles on one foot. Also, I would like to categorically state that my staring at my boss’s car’s ass is totally no-homo.

It was a Volvo C30. What I loved about it was the height of the rear window. It goes down past the brake lights, kinda like when chicks wear dem low slung hipster jeans like 5 years ago and you can always see the ass crack but wayyyyy classier. The clarity was refreshing and somehow just made it seem cooler.


Back in the 80s of course, Volvo were basically mobile bomb shelters that bust shit up on the roads. Pure rectangular bricks where functionality was paramount. Then in the late 90s, they started sexing it up with that bum line, you know, the woovy line on the V70. In fact, its still visible on most of the current range and on the C30 as well. And now, they’re doing it again, bumping that ass.