Dear Sandyclaus,

I am most displeased with the service I have received this x’mas. I sat on yo lap, been angelic and all dat but you disrespect me with your givings this year. It’s dismal yo. I got room fragrance yo! WTF? The shits I got is not part of the deal. Room fragrance? Dayum. In any case, I proffer you the opportunity to right what’s wrong and make up for shit. Please deliver the following jawnz like nao you bearded terrorist/elf slave driver/reindeer abuser.

  • Sleep
  • Time
  • Willpower
  • Company
  • Family
  • Peace
  • Fortitude
  • Joy
  • Anticipation
  • Control
  • Fervour
  • Discipline

Some shit money just can’t buy. For everything else, there’s threatening the fat man.