I think for a while now, I’ve always been talking/blogging/dreaming of starting my own place. I have like a zillion ideas, each one chopping and changing, piling up from one to another. Although many of the ideas are different in terms of food, the core remains the same. The curious bit is the closer I get to this goal, the more estranged and the more deterred I become. Is it the fear of success or simple procrastination? Anyway, seeing the amount in bank at the mo, I’ve decided on one firm goal. I open shop before I’m 35. That gives me a full 4 years to save up, plan, menu create, cook, refine recipes, pick out interiors etc etc. I’m not gonna skimp on anything so I’m gonna make sure I’ve got a good load of dosh to throw down to make things happen right. I don’t mean Grcic Ones in a customized gold camo print with Terry Richardson taking photos of a naked polar bear on opening day on banquette seating made outta Visvim procured elk foreskin. I mean no compromises, no opting for second best and good space for extras.

I’m looking at my career path now and I can see it all lined up in front of me. If I so choose, I can dive head straight into this easy lane sorta position. I don’t mean the job is easy but it’s right in front of me and it’s familiar. I will have the chance to improve myself, learn more responsibility and the work won’t be boring if I don’t let it be. At my current place, I’m bored to death, with a head chef that’s just lacklustre and boring. I need change. To drive myself up the arse and to propel myself goalward. I could still hit my goal doing exactly what I’m doing now in 4 years but I wouldn’t have the experience and the extras. I need that.

The problem with me is I keep thinking “but isn’t it too easy”? Perhaps I should take a greater risk. However, doing so would probably sink myself financially. Cash rules everything around me. I can’t start won’t start if I ain’t got no dough. The lockdown with choosing easy street is I am tied down to the same place for another 2 years. Thinking of this, it’s not a bad opportunity. Pay rise, 2 position jump, shift in workplace, chance to kop a Golf (lol) and a definite answer on my permanent residency status. Why wait for the slow ass govt. to decide to tell me yes or possibly even the dreaded no? As things stand, I have no idea about my status in Australia. I am not certain if I can stay and even if I do get granted PR status, this might take even more than 2 years. Suddenly signing on the dotted line doesn’t sound too bad at all. I’ve got like nothing to lose. The alternatives are to stay where I am and grin/bear or to find another place. The former is unthinkable. The latter would waste all the goodwill and rapport I’ve built up until now.

When god points you in a direction, do you follow or should you head the way you were going, completely blind. When a path in life becomes illuminated to point of clarity wherein you can see it in perfect detail, do you go down that path? Do you ask yourself “What if?”. What if there’s something even better? What if this is all a trap somehow? What if other things in life break down?

Then I remember how I’ve always been. Driven but directionless. A million ideas but indecisive. I can choose shit if it’s like clothes and jawns but life decisions? Man, I just dunno. Until now maybe. Maybe this obvious godfingered path is what I’ve been waiting for all along.