Package 1 arrived today from Amazon. I say package 1 because near 2 months ago, I put in this massive order for some books and shit and 1 month ago, they told they didn’t have some shit I had in my cart. I was miffed, gave them a dress down and got myself $10 off my next order, so I reordered the book they didn’t have and it’s coming in package 2 hopefully soon.

Anyway, I was flipping and reading some of the articles on Lucky Peach, David Chang’s “Food Quarterly” with participation from his longtime collaborator Peter Meehan as well as people like Anthony Bourdain, Wylie Dufresne, Harold McGee and many many more. This was the first issue of a magazine that I have to say is hugely impressive. You gotta love the rather hipstery artstyle and the brash, unapologetic, almost arrogant writing style. There’s lots of swearing and lots of food pron, kinda like in a kitchen. The major topic was ramen and there’s articles about all the different types of ramen, ramen related recipes, an article about slow cooked eggs, instant ramen… But there’s also a conversation about mediocrity between Chang, Dufresne and Bourdain as well as an article on Authenticity.

Reading snippets I was like, this is how chefs shoot shit. Like take a few reasonably educated and reasonably worldly chefs, stick em on a table with some nibbles and booze and this is the crap that comes out. It made me want to start a club for food obsessives like me. I suppose I sorta have one at my own house cos me and my mates are going on about food and stuff pretty often. Would be cool if I could expand it.

I think I’ll call it GourMet. Or maybe How Gour Met Your Mother? Like once a month, I close shop and it’s a private klub with naked bitches pouring me soju spiked Calpis and KFC with kimchee mayo. No fucking food bloggers with SLRs and poor prose. Fuck a foodie. We’ll talk about the fallacy of organic and the incoherence of modern Australian and why McDs nuggets are real gourmet or why Banana flavoring should be given its own distinct name. Or boba vs pearls. Or how to convert obese motherfuckers’ fats into frying oil to feed themselves. Like maybe attach this vacuum lipo sucker pipe thingey straight into a deep fryer that’s got a auto turning part that drops off cooked “chips” made of reconstituted obesefat onto this slidey thing that force feeds the same motherfuckers like geese. GourMet son. How you like dat?